Weight & Height – All of us have different shapes & sizes. This doesn’t necessarily allow privileges to anyone to comment on us, but douchebags do that anyway. So how the f@@k do we handle such situations? Well, the harsh reality is that we can execute control only through a kicka$$ dressing at best. There might be many other ways which you can learn elsewhere, but here we’ll talk about the way you dress. Also, it’s an easy solution & takes care of your immediate requirements. I’m sure an approach like ‘hitting the gym’ takes forever.
Weight – The fat f@#kin’ solution
Let’s all agree to the fact that we live a pretentious life. The degrees vary depending on the circumstances that lie in front of us. Now, you may disagree but ask yourself this – ‘Why are you here, reading this blog?’ So, shut the f@@k up and learn how to add glamour when you’re a fatty. Bulk isn’t always that bad, it is us who concern ourselves a bit too much with the surrounding social circle.
1. Control that glutton inside you – Lol, you really thought dressing well can cover up for your years of sinful hard work? Butcher apron is the only way out mate!
2. Oversize/Plus size – Start with a bigger size than the current shirt size. Fcuk the shoulder, what matters is concealing that oversized pot you’re carrying. Also, the love handles look disgusting, trust me.
3. Avoid low rises – High rise and occasionally mid rise trousers with regular fit make up for the oversized top. Customize the length to partially or fully showcase the footwear.
4. Tights – Stay away from this contraband. Top or bottom; doesn’t matter. You’ll be hanged for this.
5. Colors – Solid or plain is highly recommended than prints or checks, or flora, or fauna.
6. Footwear – Aah, mah favorite part, but it doesn’t really matter. Nobody cares, as the pot garners all the attention. Anyways, we would still recommend some of the demystifying combinations as below*:
· Regular Trousers/Jeans + Boot/Semi-formal/Leather shoes
· Tapered Trousers/Jeans + Sneakers/Boots
· Cargos + Boot/Sneakers (high top & mid top)
· Slim fit Trousers is a blasphemy but yeah, Sneakers & Boots will do [*Seriously? sneakers would do perfectly fine]
7. Hair – Ensure that your hair is well done. Gel and spikes or trimmed and combed, but never make the mistake of letting it loose. If you are mostly bald, all the best! Keep the sides trimmed & clean at the very least.
Word of advice: Small head, pot belly, short legs, thunder thighs, big head, or big everything – Please ensure that you’re dressed proportionately. A vague statement, I know! Meaning, if you are wearing a loose top, make sure that you wear a regular or a tapered fit trouser, and vice versa. The department will try and post a detailed chart later.
Department of Extremity Style
Now, let’s talk about the most important & critical element of it all – ATTITUDE, crafted by the folks at Department of Extremity. As a fatty, your emotions can take a backseat. The only emotion that you are allowed to showcase publicly is ‘I don’t give a f@@k’; well, of course not when someone needs your help. You still gotta be the good Samaritan, you know! Anyways, bear in mind that the moment you step out, a slur of inevitable judgements will follow without you even knowing. At this moment if your mind reacts, resulting in awkward bodily actions, boy oh boy! Even the lord of fashion won’t be able to muster your persona post that. Keeping such circumstances in mind, DoE recommends (plain & simple):
8. Carry a smirk (not sarcastic but the pleasant one) – easy to pull, just feel good & positive
9. Take a moment to think before answering or contributing to conversations – don’t throw your weight [EL-O-EL]
10. Being talkative doesn’t work with most ladies, guys anyways banter all the time (the only thing they know)
11. Just slap or sucker punch if someone gives a remark on your weight, also don’t forget to show the middle finger
That’s all. Now go f#$k the world.
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